Virgin expedition: What a bitch!

I woke up in the morning feeling annoyed. I don't really know why but I just was. And with a feeling of foreboding, I just knew it was going to be a bitch of a day.

Trying to rub the sleep from my eyes, I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. Passing the commode (chest of drawers lah), I reached out to pick up an elastic band for my hair. And my eyes suddenly popped open as I was jolted awake.

Basket BALLS!!!

Where the hell has my commode gone? HOw does an entire commode just DISAPPEAR??

I went downstairs to ask the maid if she knew what was going on. My mum was at the breakfast table munching on toast. When she heard my question, she chirped that she moved it into the guest bedroom (where she is sleeping currently), as she needed something to cover the closet.

What the FUCK is that about?

So I yelled at her not to disrupt my house and furniture layout without consulting me first. And why the fuck would she need to cover the closet in any case? Isn't the closet door pretty enough?!!

She calmly replied that I was being unreasonable and she didn't understand my adverse reaction to the situation.

Which resulted in me yelling at her more. And calling her an old cow who knows nothing about anything and I yelled at her to stop trying to teach me things because she long ceased to play the role of educator in my life.

Which led to an all out, super-sonic shouting match between her and me - just like old times.

Don't ask me where Susan and Chiara were. They magically disappeared from the war zone.

I went back upstairs in a great big huff and tears and very late for work. I smoked 2 cigarettes nonetheless because I was going to break something if I didn't calm down quick.

Caught a cab to work and got an earful for being late. Managed to bite my tongue and apologized.

Switched on the PC and got on with answering emails.

Dear tweety,
As regards your email dated xx on xx, please be informed that the proposed date for the meeting does not work for me as my flight leaves at 4pm on that day.

Dear tweety,
I cannot make the meeting as I am unable to spend another night in xx

Dear tweety,
Can u pls change the dates so that I will not have to justify the extra budget?

Dear tweety,
Your proposal for a meeting on xx in xx is completely illogical. Please provide alternative date.

Tweety,
Tuesday.

best regards,
Mr xx xxx
Company: xx xxxx xxxx
Add: xxxx
xxxxxxxx
xxxxxxx
Tel:xx xxxx xxxx
xx xxx xxxxx
xx xxxx xxxxx
email: xxxxxx@xxxx.com
In case of absence, please my secretary xxxx xxx on xxxx xxxxx

Dear Tweety,
You have propsed to meet on xx day at xxx time. How is Mrxxx going to make it when his flight details are as follows?
Date Time Flight city Airline

Date Time City Flight Airline

Dear Tweety,
I will drag myself from the hospital to the meeting as I am really interested to hear what you have to say.

Tweety,
Sorry, but I can't make it that day as I have to get home to feed the cat

The phone rings.

"Tweety speaking."

"Yes, hi, this is xxx. How are you? I am not in the business of answering emails and you are being unreasonable i have to stay one more night and answer to my manager as to the reason for staying out of the office so long how can u be like this and why are you trying to get me fired and ruin my life why must you comunicate via email why don't you just pick up the phone and get concensus you are really horrible and most of all stupid for even making this proposition please change it immediately to somethign that will suit everyone
Goodbye."

"Tweety."

I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was on the brink of screaming again when I turned my head to see XX.

XX had comments on my document in which I made some proposals.

Ok, I thought, Just give me your damned comments and let's be done with it.

So easy right? Indeed.

He proceeded to engage and even PROVOKE me into an argument about stupid things.

What kind of stupid?

Stupid like if someone was asking you to justify the reason for putting on your panties one leg at a time. Or the reason for brushing your hair from root to tip instead of the reverse.

After screaming at xx to provide me with a better reason than the one I have detailed in my proposal because I DON'T KNOW WHY ANYONE WOULD WANT TO VAULT INTO THEIR PANTIES TWO LEGS AT A TIME, I walk out dying for another cigarette when I come across psycho. Psyco is almost in tears because psycho has so much work to do and psycho doesn't know what to do about it and psyco's partner is having heart palpitations and maybe cannot have kids and psycho's boss just can't decide what flights to take to Timbuktoo and psycho is on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

Like I GAVE A SHIT at this point in time.

I lit my cigarette and proceeded to the toilet cubicle in my quest for 2 minutes of solitude.

I hear a strange sound. Then I hear a door open.

"Tweety, are you in there somewhere? You have got to come out! FIRE DRILL!"

Oh FUCK!!!!!!

Scamble out of the toilet into the corridor stinking of cigerette smoke. The wierdo gave me an appreciative smile in the knowledge that he had a "smoke-while-taking-a-crap-in-the-office-toilet" partner in crime.

Oh FUUCK!!

An hour later I was back in my office checking my inbox and what do I see? An email from someone in Timbuktoo screaming at me for not replying to emails in a timely fashion. And then xx entered my office and shouted at me as well. And called me irresponsible for not meeting deadlines and not managing expectations.

OH OH OH FUUCK!!!

An hour after that, my sometimes assistant emails me a little piece of gossip.

Mr "never-does-any-work-but-hasn't-got-caught-out" earns 10,000 more than me a year. Just because he had a nicer smile and a glibber tongue.

Well, FUCK THAT!

So you know what I did?

I tapped on my keyboard for all of 1 minute and marched in to xx office.

I threw the letter on the table and exclaimed

"I QUIT! You are stupid, this job is stupid and this company is STOOPID!"

And you know what xx did? xx CRIED.

Yes, CRIED!

And told me I am making the biggest mistake of my life and that the team valued my contribution yadda yadda yadda.

I showed him the finger and walked out.

Walked right out into the sunshine and smiled and hopped and skipped all the way down the road.

And then I panicked.

And I thought, "Oh gosh! What am I going to do for money?" "How I am going to feed my child"

"How am I going to go shopping"

"How am I going to go on weekends and holidays?"

"How, how, how"

Just as I was about to turn back and beg for my job back, I heard a little voice call "mee mee"

And I woke up with a jolt.

Looked at my watch.

0915.

Fuck! I am late for work.

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Some picture taking over the last coulpe of weeks...for your viewing pleasure...