Hot Tamale

I was watching People in the News on CNN some months ago and they did this whole report on Mariah Carey and her great comeback. The interview pretty much was all about how everything she was wearing on her new silly incomprehensible music video made her look like a hot tamale. Someone explained to me what a tamale actually is but I have forgotten now. That's how interesting Mariah "i-am-so-ugly-fat-and-mad-luckily-i-can-still-sing" Carey is.

What has captured my interst though is this whole Sarong Party Girl issue. Now there's a hot tamale for you. Ok, I saw THAT PICTURE and if you ask me it's much ado about normal neneh's. They are small and she is afterall only 19 years old. Which 19 year old doesn't have nice neneh? Especially when they are A-cups? Dime a dozen if you ask me. But, her famous neneh is not what makes her a hot tamale in my books. Neither are her sexual expoits which, while interesting from a new mother "so I am interested to know what teenagers these days get up to" point of view, are not particularly exciting. Also, her writing style, which reflects an extremely good command of the English language, (an almost extinct species in Singapore these days, quick call the WWF people) is too intense and boring. Have to skip paragraphs to get to the juicy bits type. Hate that.

No, what makes her a hot tamale in my books is her balls. Gosh, this girl has balls and if I were a boy that would be the reason why I would take her to bed and have my cunnilinguistic way with her. I wish some men I knew had balls like hers. Most I know have peanuts which is why I don't get much action these days. And I live overseas and am surrounded by ANG-MOHS! And hamsum ones to boot.

What is it about the Asian woman attraction to Ang-moh men that makes everyone jump up and down in a frenzy and indulge in verbal/ink diarrhoea on a subject that has long lost it's place on primetime news?

I remember when I was 19 it was a mortal sin to be seen holding hands with a white guy. I was dating a white boy from UWC back then and everytime we went out I would forbid him from touching me in any way. PDA? Nope. What's that? Kindly put your hands in your pocket and walk at least one-body length apart. If not sure die in case a relative/neighbour/schoolmate/teacher/auntie-selling-chicken-rice-downstairs sees me.

Fast forward 14 years later and while White man/Asian woman PDA (and more) is as common as hearing Mother Tongue languages being spoken on the MRT, it still remains a thorn in the Singaporean side. Wah liau! Personally I blame The New Paper for this. Since no reporter on the team seems to be able to write a complete article in normal English, I guess they have to pick subjects where writers can use acronyms and local terms as much as they like.

SarongPartyGirl has this guide to being a super SPG on her site. Really funny but since she hasn't really managed to snare the rich angmoh with a big dick herself, I suggest that anyone looking for tips go and have a chat with an SPG who actually got the Tiffany engagement ring, lists her posh Sngapore River address on her IC/lives abroad in Kensington in London, 16th district in Paris etc, has kids in a private school and the maid and driver and find out how she did it. And whether she really did it for the Big Dick. (If she married an Italian, ask her to tell the truth about doing it for the money).

Also, she is 19 years old lah. Good grief. Better ask the lau bu SPG who has been there, done it, right?

SPG is a young girl finding herself. And she is not ashamed of going public about her growing pains. She is honest and will probably get what she wants out of life. Good on her. At least she has the balls to do it. Which is more than I can say about most people - Ang Moh, Singaporean or from space.

I used to like Asian men. Loved (*gasp*) some of them even. Until I was 21. Until the Pan-asian (hah! the irony) look was the only thing Asian men were interested in. Until I discovered Harry's Bar when it was one of 2 bars on Boat Quay. Until I found out that I liked ang moh men better. And that they liked me better too.

Hi, my name is tweetymanggis and I am an SPG.

SO WHAT ... SO SQUAT.

Of grey hair and tired livers

I really don't know how it happened or when it happened but I think I am getting old. I have tried to deny the fact for many months but after last night, I think it's time face up to facts. I have no excuses save for one - I have old bones. 1 mojito and 1.5 smirnoff ices in a beautiful party in the OPEN AIR park last night and I feel like CRAP this morning. Had to take 2 panadols this morning and only arrived to work at 10am. Wah liau. What a loser.

A couple of years ago, the weekend started on Wednesday's at Carnegies chugging down copious amounts of cheap free champagne and i could still wake up the next day and handle clients. Albeit with a frown and growl and stinky cigarette-smelling hair but I still managed to cough up the goods.

(And I was thin and could almost wear whatever I wanted because I prefered not to waste time eating but to drink drink drink and be merry.)

These days I don't even understand what "weekend starting on Wednesday" means anymore much less try to relive my days of youth.

I think it all boils down to lack of sleep. People say that as you get older you need less sleep. Bullshit I say. This is just phsyco-babbly-boo-bullshit that THEY throw at you to motivate you to work your ass off and make loads of money AND get married AND have kids AND take of house and home AND be thin and gogeous and well-groomed AND to do it all with no maid. HMPH!!!!!!!

Of course lah then tired. Although I shouldn't complain because I do have house help. And I refuse to work crazy hours anymore. But that of course means that once the entire house is sleeping then I sneak out my laptop and work until the wee hours. Which leads me to being sleepy the next day. Which means that I want to die at my desk. Which leaves me working till wee hours the next night and it just goes on on n on n on on n on..the beat goes on till the break of dawn. Get what I am sayin' dawg?

How come life changes like that? How come we cannot evolve and continue on with our lives without keeping some things from the past?

Is it so difficult to be able to be a mum and a good "wife" and still party with your friends and go away on weekends and work like mad to meet ridiculous deadlines?

I realize that I cannot be the person I was in 1998 with my mates in Manggis Rd and colleagues from Robinson Road doing tequila shots/shooters, champagne, flaming lamborghinis dancing, singing, kissing etc then sleep at 4am, wake up at 9am, go to work and repeat everything again.

But C'MON!!! 1 mojito and 1.5 Smirnoff ice...moving my shoulders to the beats of the DJ while sitting on an outdoor bench. If this is over the top for me now then I think I better change my name to Grannymanggis. No more tweety-ing for me.

Has it got to do with motherhood? I don't know. Someone mentioned that maybe now we have all got older and some have kids and therefore life has slowed down and things changed. Ok, slow down yes, I can accept that. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SOMEONE HIT THE FUCKING FREEZE FRAME BUTTON ON THE REMOTE CONTROL!!!

Summer is here, the sun is shining, I can wear not-so-small-anymore clothes again and it's time to be ALIVE. Please let the picture start moving again.

I was watching Desperate Housewives a couple of weeks ago and watched that episode when then mum with the crazy twins started to take her kids ADD medication so that she could become Mum Extrodinaire....hmmmmm...anyone know what it's called?

Who am I?

Kenny Sia is a funny man. I really love his "baby coming out of his kacheng" story.

Kenny Sia is from Kuching.

Kenny Sia luuurves Singaporean girls.

Kenny Sia is also a fortune teller.

I took his "Which Singaporean Blogger Are You" test and this is what he says about me.

Congratulations Tweetymanggis, you are...

Scarlett Ting of joewei.blogspot.com

You are independent, smart and beautiful. Its too bad you don't see that yourself because life's little difficulties brought down a lot of your self confidence. As a result, you talk cryptic and you don't trust people easily. You care a lot for your friends and your loved ones, sometimes even more than you care for yourself, although they don't always seem to appreciate it. Don't let that affect you. As the saying goes, you don't miss the water till the well runs dry. So hang in there, you're a star in the making.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

hahahahahaaaaa!!!!

I do not know who Scarlett Ting is but I guess I should go check out her blog one of these days since she is independent, smart and beautiful as well.

Hmph, as if I didn't know that already. Not 33 years old for nothing.

New things..

In the true post-holiday blues spirit, I have started planning my next trip out of Geneva. In my quest for some fun-in-the-sun (Sun seems to be a precious commodity these days in Geneva. If I could invest my money in sun stocks I really would) and action-by-the-sea, I have managed to persuade Frederic to take a weekend away in Lisbon. YAY!!!! We don't want to spend too much time away from Chiara so we will be spending 2 nights and 3 days in Cascais. Plan to rent a motorbike so we can ride into Lisbon and around for sightseeing.

Waaaaah!!! I can see myself already - wind blowing in my hair and Danger Zone playing in the background while I hang onto my Maverick. And then he will stop on the coastline and kiss me passionately on the bike while the sun sets picturesquely behind us. All other motorits zoom past and look at us enviously and wish for such stolen moments only young, new love can inspire. And my hair still blowing sexily around my face while the music changes to Take My Breath Away... Hopefully the bike won't get stolen. Must remember to tell Fred to get a krepok one.

Yes, yes, in case you don't know, I love the movie Top Gun. Favorite of all time. I think it should go into the movie Hall of fame if one should exist. It's really just the best. Alot of action (car chasing motorbike, motorbike chasing plane, plane shooting other planes - not enuff ah?), soppy love story, hamsum boys with hot bods, tragic moments - if only the hot chick was someone other than Kelly McGillis (coz she's sooo NOT hot) then it would truly be PUUURFECT.

Dreams, dreams. I read a very interesting article on www.colingoh.com that discusses dreams - especially the Singapore one. (Colin Goh is the brainchild behind talkingcock.com. If you are Singaporean and don't know what that is then AIYAH! NEVERMIND LAH!!!)

Back to the Singapore Dream which he did refer to as rather the Singapore Plan. And compared it to the American one which has turned into the American Plan. Anyway, I thought it was a great insight into how a Singaporean couple dared to get off the beaten path and pursue their dreams (or was it their plan?) in NYC. You should really check it out if you think that you are stuck in the doldrums of the Singaporean ratrace with no way out. Quite inspiring.

Anyway, the other thing that struck me about this article is that he and his wife are truly a couple. The article was actually written by both of them relating their life experiences which led them to New York to pursue bigger and better things than the 5 C's that obssess Singaporeans. I was amazed at the complicity they have and how they just "fit" so nicely with each other. I guess they each found "THE ONE".

How often does that happen I wonder? That we all find "THE ONE"? And that we are lucky enuff to be the "THE ONE" to our "THE ONE"? You see what I mean?

Recently I was trying to read to my daughter some classic Disney fairytales - you know, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and all the rest of it. Of course she was more interested in trying to eat the book. But that's not the point I am trying to make. I grew up on a healthy diet of these fairy tales and I am just wondering if these stories have fed my personal obsession of finding my Prince Charming. I mean of course now that i am "grown up" I have come to realize that life is alot about being pragmatic and compromising and life's lessons have shown me that Prince Chrming is sometimes not all that Charming. He farts and picks his nose too. But there is always that little "niggle" in the back of my heart that tells me that Prince Charming does exist. Somewhere in the world. And he is waiting for me to sing Some Enchanted Moment so he can ride to me on his white horse and ride off into the sunset.

The question that I have is this: Did Snow White and her desperate housewives wannabe mates lead me to this? And if yes, should I be reading the same shit to my daughter? But then again if you can't tell your baby daughter about fairies and princes charming and dwarfs and fairies and all things shiny and beautiful then what the hell are you supposed to read to her? By teaching her how to sing "Someday my prince will come" will I inadvertently be leading her down the path of spinsterhood and misery? But the again, if I don't, will I be killing her future ability to dream and aspire and her idealisms?

I don't know. I am not married. Don't ask me why. I just am not. BUt this is not about marriage and whether one should or one shouldn't. This is about THE ONE. This is about finding the holy grail in life. IS there such a thing? To be honest, I do believe it exists and I hope I am smart enough and strong enough to not only teach my daughter that it exists but to teach her to find out what her own holy grail is and how to go after it.

The Diary Of Tweetymanggis continued...

So here is the second part of the photo story.

We decided to take a ferry to see the Statue of Liberty. While waiting in a loooooooooong line, we were entertained by buskers and whatever else.


One of the talents - A contortionist. I laughed so much because just the night before I managed to convince some young impressionable boys at a bar (in fact the ones with the ridiculously oversized mug of beer) that Gloria was a kungfu artist and contortionist extraodinaire now doing stunt work in Hollywood.

So such good samaritans were we that we dutifully donated money to each of the acts along the way as we slowly inched forward to board the ferry. When we finally got to the front of the queue, the ticket guy looks at our tickets and shouts "THIS IS THE WRONG FERRY GALS! THIS ONE MAKES STOPS! YOU GOT THE CHEAP CHARLIE TOUR! OUT YOU GOOOO!"

Ok, so I am exaggerating - he didnt use those EXACT words but people all around us were laughing their asses off anyway.


There she is - Lady Liberty...Ok ok, so it was raining and my hair was getting frizzy and my camera only 2 megapixels okaaaay?????

After getting off the boat, we decided to walk through Wall Street on the way to Century 21.



A little piece of NYC trivia: Did you know? The Wall Street bull has a nice set of balls? There is Glo rubbing them for good luck. Trying for Euro Millionaire jackpot lah.

The front side now


That's me putting my acrylic nails to good use - Or Pi Sai!!!!

About Century 21. We spent 5 hours there. 'Nuff said.

That night we landed back at Spice Market. Why? Because the dumbass concierge at out hotel told us to go to a place called Hog's Pit for real good ribs. The only thing good about that damn dirty place was the fact that "My Michelle" was playing when we entered. Dumbass concierge. I think his name is Timothy. With a name like that, what else could he be.

This time round at Spice Market, Judith made absolutely sure that we were able to have dessert (the last time appaently we were too late and the kitchen had closed). She even pre-ordered dessert when we were ordering our main meal. Our very nice waiter thought we were MAD. But it was well worth it because the Ovaltine Kulfi somethingorother was just HEAVENLY!! Kudos to Stanley Wong or Stanley Ho (Cannot remember). He should come to Geneva and open a restaurant.


The delicious dessert


Anush looking very pretty with with her poratble light sabre

On Friday, Christine invited us over to her place for brunch. She made delicious scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, salmon, cream cheese, bagels, salad, melon and parma ham and MIMOSA's. She has an INCREDIBLE rooftop terrace with super views of the city. So much so that we canned our trip to the Empire State Building. Aiyah, saw already what, from the open top bus!!


Finally, a nice warm sunny day!!!


View from the top


City skyline

Sooooooo nice isn't it???

After, we continued on our sightseeing trip of Manhatten, heading down towards Canal Street and Chinatown. We did a ridiculous amount of shopping. We were the quintessential Urru-Mama's. Everybody else in our hotel came back from shopping trips with nice little pretty bags from Coach, Barney's etc etc and we would come back everyday with our arms laden with pretty bags, ugly bags, even the black versions of the ugly market pink plastic bags you get in Singapore. Typical tourists from Singapore. Shopping in Manhatten like its ONE BIG GIGANTIC MOHAMMAD MUSTAFA ON SALE!!!!


Glo, Anush and Jude posing at a bridge near River Terrace on the way to Chinatown

And while walking merrily along what did we stumble across? A polic department precinct! Waaaaahhhh!! Take photo, TAKE PHOTOOO!!!


Look at the cheeky faces


We decided to take another shot in front of the Starsky and Hutch car but WE CAN'T SEE THE CAR!!!!

Anushia's last day we decided to go to Rockefeller Centre, Central Park (which made me nostalgic for Singapore Zoo) and Grand Central Station


Oh-oh say can you seee...3 gorgeous Singaporean chick-eees....

That's the end of the pics. Sorry...got more but must wait to post. No more space of Flickr. At Central Park my camera went bust so couldn't take anymore pictures either.

Just to finish the story in words, we went out that night to Elliot's place for a very nice party at his parents' apartment. Then we went to ZiZi Titty or someplace sounding like that for a little dancing. A little bit bizarre but too late to go anywhere else.

Next day, did last minute shopping/sightseeing and then sent Anushia off in the Super Shuttle. Boohoohoo. That night, our last night in NYC, we were so excited that we decided to use our last ounces of energy to enjoy the City That Never Sleeps. So we turned on the TV, got into bed and went to sleep ourselves. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! Really really really had no more petrol in the tank. Lau Bu liao!!!

Next morning, die hard, seriel shoppers went to buy last minute things and extra luggage to lug everything back home. End of holiday. *Sniff* *sniff*

That my friends is the story. Nice ah? I hope you have enjoyed the show and keep checking back for more pics and rubbish stories. Tralalalallaaaaaa!!!!! Ciaoooo!!!!

The Diary Of...

Since we had such a super jetset holiday, I have decided to create my own Diary of...hahahahaaa...(in case there are swaku's among the readers, A Diary Of is a program on MTV - hmph!)

This is The Diary of Tweetymanggis (to all those non-Malay speaking people, manggis means mangosteen. What's a mangosteen? Go to the supermarket and discover the mysteries...)

Ok, here is the story of our trip to NYC in pictures. Have to tell you though, that a couple are missing coz I don't have anymore space to upload pics and I am too stingy to pay the 25 bucks to upgrade. So just too bad, have to wait a couple of weeks to see the last few pics before my camera went kaput.

Here goes:

Day 0:
Took a picture of Chiara just before leaving so I have a latest and greatest picture to gaze at during my holiday. Thought about taking one of her body suits with me but decided against it lest it make me cry. So here is a pic of my pouchoo the morning before I left:



Isn't she just the cutest baby in the world? She is even cuter now by the way.

Anyway, on to the airport where I checked in and got to the gate where I was supposed to meet Gloria and Cat. Cat was there with her colleague (they were flying biz class "ahem", "ahem") however, Glo hadn't arrived. Small panic coz she didn't appear but finally showed up and we boarded the plane! All happy happy happy!! Unfortunately we (Glo and I that is - Cat looked completely like a business class passenger) looked like crap...

Beginning
Originally uploaded by tweetymanggis.

So 9 hours and a cab ride later, we arrived at the NY Palace ready to begin our adventure. Went to say hello to Sonia and Anushia who had arrived the day before and were looking much fresher than either Gloria or myself:


Sexy sisters

Ok, I am too tired to tell long stories so I am going to let the pictures do the talking. Here are pics from our first night out in NYC. We went for pre-dinner drinks at the Gansevoort Hotel (can u believe that I actually got the spelling right??) rooftop bar which was really fantastic. The best part of this bar was the fact that they actually played Aerosmith music!! Haahaha..ok, just kidding but it was definitely a plus factor in my books. After we went to Spice Market for dinner and then onto Movida for boogying.


Anushia, Sonia and Judith at Spice Market


Gloria, me and Christine at Spice Market

By the way, you see the white blouse I am wearing in the picture? Later I actually performed a magic trick and changed it into a black top (see the Movida pics)! Please don't tell anybody but I am actually a closet magician and my ultimate ambition is to make all RED WINE STAINS ON WHITE CLOTHES DISAPPEAR INSTANTLY!!!! A big thanks to Chloe who lent me her blouse so I could finish dinner before going back to the hotel to change. And I am so glad noone took a photo of me topless holding my braless boobs in the girls toilet while MY TOP WAS WASHED IN THE BASIN!!!! CHEE BYE LAH!!!

On to more pics from that night...


Anushia, Cat and Sonia


That's Chloe between my sisters.

Please take note of the little monkey behind in the photo below..



This picture by the way is a tribute to Xiaxue and friends . Note the fingers. Everybody say CHEEEEEEESE!!!!


Yup, the party is getting better


The beginning of the end...


ooooh..the sting of vodka


Jude - the champion amongst pregnant women - taking a shot of OJ - I wonder what Glo is laughing at???


Christine and David doing a shot


Must've been a helluva shot babe!


that's coooool Cat! and whose is feeling up her boobie??

The next day we woke up all fresh and feeling wonderful and went for a true blue American breakfast in a diner.


DA Bluesteele and the beauties


The tribute "just-arrived-tourists" picture near our hotel

Sonia is not in that picture because she had to scurry off for her manicure and pedicure appointment back at the hotel in the middle of our meal. Hehehheheeee.


Shot of the city from my sis 36th floor hotel room

So i missed one whole night of pics because I forgot to bring my camera. And you know what? I was the only ONE WITH A CAMERA in our group (Glo forgot her camera charger so also not counted)!! AIYAH! Talk about disorganized. Anyway, it was Glo's birthday and thanks to Christine and all her fantastic efforts we celebrated it in style. Dinner at Bed and then partying at Quo. Finished at 6am and 5mths-pregnant-Judith actually lasted the whole night. A round of applause please. Especially from the men reading this.

Next morning back at the diner on Lexington


Sonia and me


Anushia and Sonia - Dont you just luuurve THAT TOP Sonia is wearing??!!!

Ok so there is actually a big adventure story about that day which involves speed shopping, Singapore kiasu-ism at its best, running in the rain and missed aeroplanes but I shall not go into details. Suffice it to say that a West Indies policeman and Indians in the City (the sub-continental kind not the woo-woo-woo kind) SAVED THE DAY!!! YAY!!!

We had a VVVIP staying at our hotel for 3 days while we were there. As a result, the place was crawling with cops, secret service and the most handsome Israeli bodyguards/Mossad/policemen/whatever. So much action I tell you and we managed to capture one exciting moment when Ariel Sharon was leaving the hotel and we had to wait on the street until the whole convoy had left



Coming up next are a couple of rather bo liao photos taken from the open top bus tour we took around the city. Let me explain the significance of this outing. We are the girls who have been to Mykonos numerous times and never seen Delos island. Judith has been to Paris and never seen the Eiffel Tower. Been to Rome and never visited the Colloseuem. Been to Vatican and never went into Sistine Chapel. I can go on but I won't because it is a much too embarrassing testament to our alcoholic partying holidays. Therefore, the fact that we actually managed to buy tickets and do an open to bus tour in NYC is really an achievement for us. Anushia can take credit for getting our asses into gear. And Jude for being currently "alcoholically-challenged".


Empire State Building - the weather was sooo bad


Wall of Tiles (made by kids) - 9/11 Memorial


Look familiar or not? You all never watch TV is eeet?

End of amazing bus tour


Times Square

I wanted to upload the pic of the MTV TRL place but forgot and now I have no more space. Too bad. Must wait to see. Oh and that was also the day we saw a live taping on TRL and missed seeing the Black Eyed Peas perform. UURGH!!!!

On the Tuesday, Christine invited us to attend an Armani cocktail party at Barney's. Oh the stress of getting ready!!!


Pretty Jude


What to wear? What to wear?


OH GOD!! WHAT TOO WEEEEAAAARRR???!!!!!

And the final result...

Anushia, me, Jude, Adam and Christine

After the cocktail we went to Suba for tapas and DA Bluesteele joined us.


DA Bluesteele doing his Iceman interpretation - you know, Iceman from Top Gun lah


Bluesteele and the gals at Maritime Hotel - spot the wristlet anyone?


Adam, me and Adam's friend at the Maritime Hotel openair bar

After we went to a club called PM. Nicest doormen I ever encountered in NYC. Told me much about foie gras and Reisling. And his name is Aramis. Wow. I want a name like that too.

Jermaine Dupri was there that night. Aside from the fact that he looks like any other mama boy hanging out in Serangoon Road, he is so short Jude and I couldn't see him. Hahahahaaaaa.


The gals and me at PM


There is Bluesteele steeling the thunder from Glo and I


Glo with Russel Crowe's stunt double

The next morning I woke up with the NASTIEST hangover. The kind that left me shivering and trembling and unable to even sit properly on the toilet to pee. Too old already for this kind of piggy drinking.

Must remember next time not to mix drinks. : )

I actually have a picture of me in this state - 2 even, and I REALLY REALLY wanted to post one up here but ooops, whaddya know...NO MORE SPACE!!!

That night at a fantastic Vietnamese fusion food place called Bao 111. I love Pho!!!


Jude and Glo


Anush and me - 2 ponytails and flat shoes on a night out - THAT'S how hungover I was..

Just to prove that I am truly Singaporean here is the obligatory picture of the food we were eating

Yummy yum yum...

After dinner we went to a pub next door to have some drinks (Coke please!!). We met this bunch of people who were celebrating a birthday. And they were desperately trying to finish this mug of beer


The bday boy was the boy with the hat and his girlfriend was a sweetheart (he is 25 and she is 39 - "gasp"). She actually took the trouble to write down on a piece of paper places for us to go and visit. The funny thing is that Christine had taken us to most already. hahahahaaaa.

Next day we went to my favourite brunch place in NYC - Bubby's. We saw Ed Burns there. You never watch movies EITHER IS EEEET??????


Anush in that classic "pose with phone" photo at Bubby's

Ok guys. I think that's it for today. Very tired already. More pics and witty comments tomorrow. Stay tuned for the next episode of "The Diary of....Tweetymanggis"